Brown Eyed Princess

4th_option_2nd_character_with_backgroundI am no one special. I am your typical brown eyed girl. You may pass me on the street displaying a very cheerful demeanor and not think twice about me. Other times… most times, however, you’ll probably assume I’m your average uppity bitch trying to avoid eye contact in an effort to evade any interpersonal interaction. I’ll act like I’m better than you and I have neither the time nor the patience to entertain your small talk.

You, my friend, are very wrong. As my eye catches yours and you see me nervously pretend it didn’t happen, you would never guess it’s because I have a secret. Many secrets… And if I maintain that eye contact, you’ll see and then know my deepest, darkest tragedy. I avoid eye contact in fear that you’ll discover too soon that I am a pretender. That I pretend and I lie and I deceive in order to appear happy, cheerful, and typical.

You’ll find out, in that moment that I carelessly forget to break eye contact, that I’m not your typical brown eyed girl. I’m a girl who has seen, experienced, and witnessed some of the most heinous acts that most could never imagine.

I’m a girl who, at one point, was all but screaming for someone… anyone… to rescue me. My pleas went unheard. Everyone I had ever known, loved, and trusted failed me. I  had no choice but to tuck away the little innocent brown eyed princess within me down into  the farthest, darkest, and loneliest corner of my soul so that no longer could she be subjected to the torture and vileness of her tormentors. I then become a hollow numb shell of what was once a lively, mischievous, lovable, and loving little girl.

Eventually my tormentors moved on, however, because so much time passed from the time I hid the best part of myself, my little princess got lost. Over time, that lonely corner grew into a convoluted dark maze.  With each vile act, I, unknowingly, created another section of the maze to further hide and protect her… and now… she may be lost forever.

There are days I feel that a part of me died long ago. And then, there are days I feel a part me is just waiting to be found. In those days, I feel hopeful that she will one day reemerge from the depths of my soul. Regardless, I still move forward. Yes, I worry all the time. I fear everything and everyone. I am overly anxious. And I am also brave, kind, empathetic, courageous, and compassionate.

I know I’m not alone. I know there are and were many unheard princesses that were failed by those that were charged to protect them from all evil. And through this platform, I will share with you my rawest and deepest emotions and thoughts. Through this, I know my words will finally be heard. And my hope is that you will come to realize that your story also deserves a voice. Not just any voice. Your voice. Your story deserves your voice. Your story is real. It happened. It’s happening. And can only be told by you.

And I hope that you’ll come to realize that there are those of us that will not ignore nor judge your words. Your words will be loved and embraced and believed and most importantly, your words will be heard.

Your voice will be heard.

– Brown Eyed Princess

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