My Last Goodbye

Since the day I was born, I was nothing but a burden to you. Those were your words. As a baby, you repeatedly said that you just wanted to throw me in the garbage. As I grew older, you just ignored me. When I fell down, you turned around. When I was raped over and over and over again, you said I was a liar. When my heart was broken, you said get over it. When I tried to kill myself, you didn’t take me to the hospital. Instead, you said let’s just wait and see what happens and hope your still alive by morning.

Then there’s the other side. You threw me grand parties whether for my birthday, 1st wedding, or other “joyous” occasions. Those parties were not for me, though.  They were for your friends. To show off your abundance.  To gloat in your wealth. When I divorced, you were ashamed. My ex-husband beat me, raped me, and yet you were ashamed of me.

I finally met a man who showed me true unconditional love. We gave birth to a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful baby boy. You didn’t throw me a shower… why?? Because you were ashamed that we hadn’t married yet. Oh, what would you friends think? …. Do you know how that made me feel? Not only did you have shame for me, but you made it apparent that you also had shame for this gorgeous baby boy growing in my belly….

It didn’t stop there…

My love and I finally married. You did nothing. There was no celebration because still you were ashamed and didn’t want your friends to talk behind your back… “oh, this won’t last either….”, “they only got married because she got knocked up” they would whisper.

Today, you crossed the line. Today, it’s not me that’s going to suffer anymore. Today is your day of suffering and a lifetime of suffering ahead. You said my rapes were lies. You said my beatings from not only you, but my rapists were lies. You mentally tormented me. You emotionally scarred me.

And I refuse to let you do that to me anymore. And I will be damned if I let you do that to the love of my life and our precious son.

Today, I say goodbye to you. Forever. Never again will you see my face. Hear my voice, Touch my skin. Never again will you hear my son’s giggle. Never again will you see my husband’s loving gaze.

You can wallow in this self-pity, self-absorbed, and self-denying cesspool you call life. But that is your life. Not mine. Not my family’s.

Our life is a life of love.

Thank you for not throwing me away. That’s the only decent thing you did for me.

This is my final goodbye, egg and sperm donors. It is time to live my life, on my terms, and with the people I love and people that love me back.

You will always be in my prayers.

Goodbye.

– Brown Eyed Girl

6 thoughts on “My Last Goodbye

Add yours

    1. Thank you, Ashley! I know I’ll struggle with wanting to eventually let them back into my life, but at the end of day, however unfortunate, it’s best I keep them out of my life. Thanks for reading and offering kind words and thoughts. – Brown Eyed ❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

    1. You are wise! I’ve only recently learned this lesson and I’m excited to see the stark difference between the people I considered family previously in contrast to the loving souls I chose to let into my life going forward. Much love and peace to you, my friend.

      Liked by 1 person

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