Spaghetti Dinner

I remember having on a red sweater with a black skirt over black tights. My straight, brown hair was brushed as it always was and held away from my face by one of my many headbands that I loved to wear each day. Outside was cold and rainy and dreary, but I woke that day just as I did any other day. Happy. I woke up happy. That was last day of my life… the last day I would awake knowing the feeling of true happiness in my heart and warmth throughout my soul.

We were so excited to have this man join our family. He traveled very far to stay with us. I was elated, even at my very young age, to teach him about our way of living. He was much older, but I didn’t care. I would teach him everything I knew. He had brown eyes similar to mine, black hair, and the most welcoming smile. He had the most perfect, the straightest, white teeth I had ever seen. The kind of smile you see in movies. The kind of smile only the good guys wore. And with eyes and a smile like that, he had to be one of the good guys… right?

I think, dear reader, it is important for me to describe the layout of the house before going further into my story.  Each room offered isolation as each room could be closed off, by doors, from the next. Prior to this day, all of the doors remained opened, at all times, no exceptions were made. Laughter carried from room to room and was never subjected to this isolation. Laughter and love spread throughout the house through open doors and open hearts.

My family was gathered in the living room with the exception of my mother. She was preparing dinner. A dinner that we would share together as a family, as we did every night, only tonight we would also share it with our new family friend.  As my sister and I relentlessly competed for our new friend’s attention by showing him the toys that we held so dear, my mother called everyone for dinner.

My sister and I dropped our toys and ran as fast as our little legs could carry us to the dining room. We argued about who was going to sit next to our new guest. I lost this argument and I ended up sitting directly across from him at the table. I glared at my sister a few times. However, our glares quickly turned into funny faces and laughter as they always did.

My mother served everyone spaghetti. I loved her spaghetti. She always had a tendency to serve too much food though. This day was no exception.  There was no way I would be able to get through this entire plate. As plates started to clear, everyone transitioned back to the living room. Everyone except for me.

My father instructed that I would not leave the room until my plate was empty. And then, for the first time, the doors were closed. My mother retreated to the kitchen closing the doors behind her. My father joined my sister and our guest in the living room closing the door behind him.  For the first time, the clatter of the dishes being washed was muffled and the laughter from the living room was stifled.

Initially, I was grateful that the doors were shut. You see, I had a little trick I played on days my mom served too much food. The closed doors only made it that much easier to play my trick. I waited a few minutes before I slid open the sliding door that connected the dining room to the backyard. I looked back to make sure no one saw me before I made my exit.

I ran out the door with my plate of spaghetti and tossed the food into the bushes that were planted along the brown privacy fence. I knew that the animals would devour the leftover food and what food remained would be washed away by the rain. It was a flawless plan that I executed successfully many times. There was no reason I should think otherwise.

I ran back to the dining room and locked the sliding door. I turned around with my empty plate and jumped. I stood there startled because standing there, with all the doors still shut, was our guest, the Hollywood hero with his bright eyes and warm smile. However, this time, his smile was not so warm and his eyes were unnervingly cold. In fact, his smile was frightening and his stares sent chills to the very core of my soul.

He walked over, grabbed the empty plate from my shaking hands, and placed it calmly on the table where I had sat during dinner. Where I sat and laughed and ate with happiness still in my heart. He eerily turned back to me and said “I saw what you did and you will get in big trouble when I tell your family. Wastefulness is sinfulness.”

You have to understand, dear reader, I was so young that it seemed like any wrong doing, no matter how big or small, was the end of the world. I was terrified about my parents finding out.

I look back now and realize if they had discovered my little trick, I would have been sent to my room for the remainder of the night. That’s all. My world would not have ended and I would awake the following morning just as did every morning… Happy.

I now wish I would have taken any form of punishment that they offered because no matter how harsh, it would have been a merciful blessing in comparison to the punishment I received from our new friend for years to come.

Instead, I allowed irrational fear change the course of my life… forever.

After this night, I was his and he knew I would never speak a word.

It was in this night, he stole not only my innocence, but my voice.

–  Brown Eyed Princess


2 thoughts on “Spaghetti Dinner

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    1. Hi Stephanie. Thank you again, for your kind words. I don’t know why, but recently I felt the need to share these memories. They are really difficult to relive. I truly felt my healing process was complete. I just feel like these types of stores need to be heard because people need to know what to look for and learn to speak up. And be careful about who you bring into your life. It’s often the ones that are closest to you that do the most harm.

      – Brown Eyed Princess


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